I was on a long, overnight flight this week and three rows in front of me was this middle-aged man telling his entire life story to the poor lady next to him. In full outdoor voice. Like, just short of a shout; the sort of volume you’d use to speak to a 20-person board room without a mic. The more he drank, the louder he got. Not swearing, not saying anything rude, just broadcast mode: So that was my fourth year in the Marines. And then…

Um yeah that shit kinda sucked because I, and everyone around us, was trying to sleep and stuffing various combinations of earbuds, tissues, pillows into ears but this man would not shut up. At some point I had managed to doze off only to be awoken by his pronunciation of like, a comma, and I went to the bathroom and from inside the closed room I could still hear him yammering on.

On my way back to my seat I used all my courage and walked up to him and said, “Excuse me, could you please keep your voice down?”

He stared at me for probably 5 seconds with a look of total bafflement. Like he cannot understand what is happening to him right now.

And then he actually SALUTES me. And goes: “Yes sir.”

And then he spoke at a normal volume the rest of the way :)

Still feel bad for that lady though. Anyway here’s Wonderwall.